When Pain is “Very Great.”
I was reading in Job today when something caught my attention and brought back some valuable memories from a past training season.
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Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, they came each one from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite; and they made an appointment together to come to sympathize with him and comfort him.
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12 When they lifted up their eyes at a distance and did not recognize him, they raised their voices and wept. And each of them tore his robe and they threw dust over their heads toward the sky.
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13 Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great.
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Job 2:11-13
There was a season where my grief was also very great. There were no words that could ease my pain. Often the words made it worse. I just couldn’t explain what I was feeling. I wasn’t even sure myself.
There were no scriptures that stopped the flow of my tears but plenty cut through me like a sharp knife when given by many well-intended people but at the wrong time.
What I needed was what we saw Job’s friends do well in verse 13.
“They sat with him…”
I love that “each one came from their own place.” I also love that when they saw him and didn’t recognize him they wept.
Jesus was always moved by compassion.
I remember having a very real push and pull in my heart. I wanted and needed people to show up and sit with me but I would also push them away. This taught me later a valuable lesson for effective ministry.
The girls will tell you today that I check on them borderline obsessively. That is because I remember exactly how I felt in my own silence.
I was thinking this morning of a recent meeting where I noticed a sweet one with tears rolling down her face as soon as she sat down in the chair. The meeting had not even started. I had done nothing at all but hug her and ask how she was doing.
But Jesus had already begun a most precious work. He had actually been preparing for it for a couple of weeks now that I look back on it.
As I spoke to the room I could still see out of the corner of my eye those tears streaming more and more so I moved out of my chair and into the chair with her.
I kept speaking to the room from that position until I asked her if she wanted to talk about it.
Her “grief was very great” and Jesus surely knew it. So did I.
We all sat in this place with her. It was her appointed time for some healing and the room got to be onlookers to the grace of God as He moved delicately with her precious heart. As He touched her, He also touched us.
Job’s friends were in a good position when they kept silent and said not a word. Their best move was to just sit with Job. Be there. Weep while he wept. Hug him. Pass the Kleenex box. Listen. Mourn with him. Assure him of their love. Let him know they cared. Stay close.
But, their self righteousness kicked in and all of their “godly wisdom.” So the wounds upon wounds stacked like yokes of bondage against the already pained soul just trying to understand what exactly was happening in his life.
I often hear people bringing spiritual accusations even today in the midst of other’s in a deep suffering. I call this “religious, but not always right.”
I never really see Jesus do this.
I often see Him crying as well. Mourning the loss also. Comforting the hurting. Healing the sick. Giving them hope. Speaking into their pain.
This is likely a writing you cannot understand until you’re in a place where your pain is also very great.
But I offer you this nugget of wisdom.
If you don’t know what to say, perhaps it’s a time to say nothing.
Bake them a cake.
Go over for a visit.
Lay their head on your shoulder.
Offer to help with tasks that seem too much right now.
Most importantly….say I love you a million times. Say I’m praying for you. Say, I’m going to be here with you in this no matter what.
Show up unannounced.
Tell them you miss them.
Let them know how important they are to you.
Because the enemy has a way of distorting what is true to a heart whose grief is very great.
Some times the greatest gift you can give someone who is in great pain, is simply the gift of your presence.
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