Remain a Student

There is a weight to working with hearts. A cost to caring. Yet, such beauty in the tending.

I am, still, always learning.

This is not how I thought my life in ministry would turn out.
It was never in my plan.
It was never a dream of mine.

But it has been more than I could ever think or imagine…

I guess you could say God used my broken heart to lead me to some of my most fruitful ministry. I was utterly unaware of any of it.

I have a friend, who knows who she is, who calls me “the grief whisperer.”

Listen, don’t overthink that one. She just means I have a “bent” to be of help when someone is in grief.

Many a heart has needed the kindness of the Lord from someone who has endured her own grief.

I learned a language I never wanted, or asked for, but as God rebuilt my own life He began to employ all I had learned in, likely, the worst season of my life and ministry.

If I had been given the answer to my prayers, I would have stopped short of God’s plan for my life.

My vision was too small and my dreams too single focused.

If I’ve done anything at all right, it’s that I’ve known to remain a student.

A student of His Word.
A student of His ways.
A student of His presence.
A student in every season.
Never am I above any lesson of His.

The moment I think I’m beyond the schooling, I’ll be on the list of the many fallen ministers we see today.

Humility must be a mainstay position.

Jesus in me is powerful but without Him I can do nothing. This is something I pray to never forget.

As a student, I’ve been in classrooms with Christ I utterly hated, and resisted. Other classrooms were more delightful. However, it was the hardest ones that prepared me for the work I do today.

The place where wonders are seen are in the deep. Sometimes it’s deep pain, deep grief, and deep pruning.

The one season that was half a second from taking me out cultivated in me compassion and a heart for the hurting.

A Shepherd was born beside those still waters as I walked through the valley of a shadow of death.

Who knew?

I died to who I was, how I operated, and every plan I believed my future would hold.

But when I died it was a hallway to new life in Christ for me. I could see more clearly, the matters of justice were burned into my bones, and my voice took on a sound that would often walk people through pain, loss, and a rising again.

I never saw it coming.

“I’ve got nothing…. but what I have, I freely give to you.” is a passage I understand more fully today.

I hope this helps some of you wade your own disturbed waters. You are going somewhere you quite possibly never knew you would and you likely are becoming someone you one day will not even recognize.

The messages I am given to share now aren’t mere words on a page. Rhetoric to rehearse. They are messages birthed under a broom tree.

When I begged for death, God baked me a cake and then said, “…eat, this journey is too much for you.”

Simplicity became my norm in a deep waters way and I followed Him with what seemed like blinders on.

He retrained me and stripped me of theologies meant to bring death rather than life. Bondage rather than beauty. A form of godliness that denied His power.

I saw Jesus in the secret and sacred place. The place no one could go but me and Him. A wilderness that wrought me sore but gave me the “more.”

I learned to keep many things simple that I feel some are complicating today.

The blood of Jesus covers me.
The grace of Jesus keeps me.
The name of Jesus is often all I need.
The cross is a finished work.

I don’t need to know everything or perform for anybody. The ONE who Iives in me is all-knowing and I have direct access. I am my Father’s daughter and He is fully committed to me, even if others are not.

“Call on me and I will answer you and show you unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3

I live by this scripture because I know I am still a student. Mysteries will always exist and every moment I must be found leaning on my Beloved.

The wilderness taught me to watch. Not to be gullible. Pause and discern.

I’ve learned fruit tells the truth.
Gifting does not equal integrity.
And character can kill calling.

I’ve also learned to wield boundaries and borders so that I may stay in proper position.

Season to season my course changes and the homework with Jesus is elevated to the level He needs it to be.

This was never where I thought I would be because His ways were always higher. The same will be true for you.

A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher. (Luke 6:40)

Hopefully, every class is molding us more and more into His likeness.

But if we want to be like our Teacher, we must be humbly willing to remain a student.