Today I turn 50 years old. Hard to believe really. When I started walking with Jesus, I was a scared little girl afraid to pray out loud or even speak in front of people. I made sure my music didn’t waste time between songs because I was fearful of not knowing what to say.

He has been so patient and kind to me and we’ve walked through many fears together. I never wanted to conquer my fears honestly. I wanted to ignore them. But that’s not at all the heart of Christ. He wants freedom for us. Freedom means learning to trust Him through the fearful moments.

I’ve not accomplished all I’ve wanted to do with Him but I’ve accomplished what He has wanted from me.

I likely didn’t know the difference when I began. The stars in my eyes were still clouded by my own self will and wants. But the longer I’ve walked with Him the less I care about those same wants.

He’s let me watch how He uses words to heal wounded hearts. He’s let me learn how to hug quietly a broken heart and feel no need to say a word. He’s let me sense His presence in ways I sure never knew anything about when we began and He keeps taking me to new places in His heart and word.

There are still some requests I’ve laid before Him this year because He has always given me a birthday present, Himself. It’s always been something I could never guess, think, or imagine.

So I quit asking for specifics a long time ago. Sometimes the gift is for a heart need of mine. Sometimes, it was an award for a song we had written together, and sometimes it was a special friendship He knew I needed in a certain season.

This year…who knows but Him…but I’ll be waiting expectantly, nonetheless.

There are a few things I’ve learned now that I’m older that perhaps I didn’t know when we began….

1. I still don’t have all the answers.
2. It’s ok to admit I don’t have all the answers.
3. I must remain teachable always.
4. I will always be learning.
5. I’ve been wrong in many of my early theological beliefs.
6. It’s good to admit when you’ve been wrong.
7. “I’m sorry” and “I miss you” are healing balms to a broken heart.
8. Hugs are necessary.
9. When in doubt, “Go.”
10. Every step is ordered even when I find myself in what seems like sinking sand. God is still at work.

So here’s to 50. May the latter days of our lives be greater than the former. May we see more clearly, love harder, let go easier, trust more fully, and advance the Kingdom more readily.

May we say “No” to fear, unbelief, and any notion of quitting. Moses was 80ish when he led people out of bondage. Age can never be an excuse to lay down the call of Christ.

Press on, friends, in the name of Jesus.