There have been seasons of my life that to this day are not at all understood.

 

Although I’ve spent countless hours begging God to talk to me about certain situations, some things He has chosen to remain silent on.

 

Yes. It’s hard. Yes. Sometimes I get angry. Yes. I’ve spent many a night crying myself to sleep over it.

 

However, part of my healing has come because I know that my own painful seasons have poured out a much-needed rain on other little flowers of His.

 

Yet, I can not hide that it still exists. No one is immune to life’s pains.

 

Sometimes I wonder if it’s a “type of” thorn in my flesh, so I can remain tender to other heart needs. I find we are pretty quick to forget people in their suffering moments.

 

These days, a large part of my calling is simply to stay in touch with broken hearts. I’ve had seasons where I needed any kind of lifeline touch to keep going.

 

I’ve not quickly forgotten those moments. Even writing this, the tears flood back. If ever I think I’ve mastered a painful moment, I assure you it can come quickly racing back to show me otherwise.

 

Jesus has spoken to me in seasons through songs, poetry, closet moments, and more. He has faithfully walked with me through every season. He talks with me about many things. But I sometimes find that certain things He keeps quiet about.

 

I’ve had the late night, “Jesus, can I ask you a question,” moments whereby He listens but doesn’t really answer, although I could feel His presence and knew He was near.

 

Some days you’ll find it easier to accept. Other days, not so much. It is often a process.

 

Sometimes I actually find it harder when you know the truth of spiritual matters. The truth is that He is in control. He is sovereign. He orders steps. All of my days were planned.

 

It’s how I learned that hugs can be more effective than tossing scripture at broken hearts.

 

This week brought with it some flashbacks of pain. Pain from those still unanswered questions.

 

The bazillion “why’s” that haunt a heart. The “what if’s” I had done this or that. The mental torment of grief that can resume from one moment that sends you back to a past pain.

 

The only answer I have for you is to keep running to Jesus…as many times as you need to.

 

What has “kept” me in every season is that I know I can always run to Jesus. I do not know how others make it without Him. He has been that faithful Rock of Ages for me, personally.

 

His silence doesn’t mean He isn’t involved. It doesn’t mean He is not watching. It doesn’t mean He doesn’t care. It just means that the time for me to understand has not yet come.

 

I’ve had to trust Him when He has chosen to answer and, likewise, I’ve had to trust Him when He chooses not to.

 

There is something at work that is still a mystery, and in the end, it will be beautiful in His time. Maybe that will bring you comfort today.

 

It is a truth I cling to as well in those times when I feel like God is silent.