While some seasons seem to be a “suddenly season” in many ways, I’ve more times than not had seasons of going the long way around.

 

I suppose it’s quite usual for Christ Jesus. I can look at the life of David, Joseph, Moses, and more who seemed to endure also a long way around.

 

My last 10 years, trust me, have been faithfully counted on the calendar and has been such a season. I would endure many paths that seemed harmful yet have become helpful.

 

After two back to back deep valleys I ended up with PTSD. I had difficulty reading and focusing in prayer which was a deep heartache in itself. I also had much trouble with triggers that sent me into binges of depression I couldn’t understand at all. I just didn’t know how to put words to the pain. I tried to hide it best I could. But most days it was virtually impossible.

 

But like Joseph, God was in my prison with me and I learned new ways to heal and cope with what seemed was limiting me at the time.

 

The long way around to who I’ve become and to what I’ve been called to do taught me to know the warning signs for others in similar pains. The number of women enduring deep valleys was staggering. I could understand a bit better the way pain was traveling through them because of all I had been through. I could also help them get through it much quicker than I did.

 

While trauma is often acute it also stirs up years of pain from the past where rejection, people-pleading, and codependency needed to be dealt with by the love of Jesus.

 

I had no idea I would sit before women, today, and share how Christ must be enough and He, alone, must captivate their hearts. I could tell them how He walked with me in the back of a cemetery and while I thought I might die, myself, I found life all around me nudging me to simply trust Him.

 

The needless and tireless work of trying to be everything to everyone almost put me to a certain death. It, certainly, was the devils aim…but he overplayed his hand and Jesus used the pains as a launching pad for new ministries.

 

I wish I could tell you I managed my waves of grief well. I really didn’t. However, in this season Jesus has given me the chance to share what I’ve learned and to write (and right) many wrongs by sharing what I saw in my valleys with those who might listen.

 

In a nutshell, I saw what Father sees. He even gave me a song about it. I have never, however, been able to sing it publicly. I don’t suspect I ever will.

 

These are a few things the long way around taught me to see:

 

The girl running out of the church because her tears were about to come too fast to hide.

 

The woman in despair covering it all up with smiles and laughter.

 

The way Jesus feels about abuse of any kind and how we, as a church body, have missed the mark.

 

How to handle better hurting hearts because people can actually die of a broken heart.

 

I learned hugs had power, a shoulder to cry on was the same as being Jesus to someone, and quoting scripture to a grieving heart might actually make them hurt worse, not less.

 

So many subtle things I could never have known without the experience of it all myself.

 

It was the long way around and often I hated every minute of it.

 

Soon songs would fly out of my mouth between tears to write what the Holy Spirit was saying. Things I shouldn’t, and couldn’t, know apart from His supernatural work.

 

I learned that if I wanted to see Jesus at work I just had to pull up a chair next to a broken heart and I would catch a gentle Savior showing me how to carefully, and patiently, bind up a bleeding wound. I would also see how He used His rod ever so gently to bring one back to the fold without inflicting more pain.

 

Jesus knew all along that what He could show me on the long way around would far surpass any desired shortcuts.

 

Today…I can say…it really is true…