Please give me grace this am and think not too critical of my writing today:) It’s just a little story of my heart. I am sure much theologically could be inaccurate..likely this story would be filed under “fiction” in the library category….yet much we will not know until Glory….I am one who believes “unsearchable” actually means unsearchable and that there are still many mysteries we may try to understand…yet will not…regardless of our futile attempts on this side..just enjoy being in my head and heart this am. It seems these days the critics reign and there is much negative constantly. But there is such beauty in the heart of Christ and His nature. May it do nothing but cause you great love for Christ and a longing to be with Him when your last breathe has been taken…may we make sure He is with us, He knows us, and we have a surrendered life…that we have exchanged our own lives for His….as He exchanged His life for us..may we each have the opportunity to go home…
A Story of the Heart..
I’ve waited for this day all my life with Christ. It’s time I would meet my King…the one who would steal me away for years to Himself. The whispers will now have a face. I have longed to look into His gentle eyes. Yet I wonder of that possibility as I consider they are like fire….. Will His sheer power allow it at all? I am unsure what time it is, or the day..yet it seems not to matter. I am just waiting my turn. The peace is magnificent. Time is irrelevant. The beauty is beyond glorious. I am mindful of the times in my little closet considering this very moment….when I would stand before Him, face to face. I recall asking for “extra time” if possible, as if that request was even necessary. But our human minds only know of such things. For I thought my last cry would be rather lengthy. I can feel my heart beating so loud and the noise of the world has gone now. Joy is full here. My weariness is no more. It’s almost my turn…deep breath..
There are sounds, yes, but indescribable melodies. I’ve always wondered what the bottle of tears might look like I think to myself….or the bowl of prayers collected..I look for some faces I thought might be there…they said they were coming…yet I do not see them. I think to myself of how sure they were, they were so wise in understanding, so faithful in the Church…but inside I remembered Matthew 7..”many on that day will say Lord, Lord…and He will say I never knew you…” Somehow they knew the Word of God..but missed the God of the Word. In this moment, I am grateful to my Father for keeping me with child-like faith like the fishermen He chose of old. I think of the many debates in theology that were so far over my head….yet missed the love of Christ and many, oh many, will now perish. I tearfully remember the struggles to become all I was suppose to be, the nights pleading with God to keep me from deception like the pharisees who knew every scripture word for word, yet crucified Jesus nonetheless….who knew such great knowledge but their studying of the scriptures had somehow become prideful and the darkness veiled the Holy Spirit’s truth…the supernatural, the simple, the unknown. The only way it was seen as the wrong road (a road seemeth right, but it is so wrong) was when love left the hearts of many. The fruits of the Spirit were no more…..only dogmatic pursuit of a false righteousness that persecuted many believers who came by faith.
I remembered the many who came and went and I wondered….would I see them here. The life of faith in Christ and with Christ must be a surrendered life….God is love…so if love leaves….so has God. I wondered did I reach all I should have. Did I love well…enough. Did I cherish those Christ put in my life as gifts. Did I consider them priceless. Did I rescue when I should, did I forgive fully, did I? Did I obey best I could….I remembered “if you love me, you will obey me..” Soon I would meet THE WORD…Himself.
I’m next in line now….my mind is now absolutely still, yet my heart is still pounding…now I can see Him…the one my soul loves and has loved . As I walk to Him my eyes drop as the tears begin to swell and soon I am running into open arms. I recalled the times in that closet when I would ask Him to hold me in His lap in Heaven, let me bury my head, and have my last, long, cry.
Suddenly, I realize the stroking of my hair felt many times in the past was now seen and without a word His eyes spoke all I ever needed to hear…..”I know….” Every heart ache and struggle, every moment of brokenness, and pain poured onto His chest. Not much more than a little tattle tale…..much like a child to her Father. There was no rushing….time just stood still. As a child, I was cradled and rocked until my heart was only full of joy and love. He spoke to each hurt and the reason that now seemed a life time away. Soon I could see the opening of the gate as His arms widened and His eyes beckoned me to come…. my long journey was over….and I was finally home.
I am the gate. Those who come in by me will be saved; they will come in and go out and find pasture.
John 10:9
