Jesus not only reconciles us to the Father but His heart is also to reconcile us to our brothers and sisters. Yet, I see a gap in understanding when it comes to forgiveness and reconciliation.

Forgiveness is a command for every single believer. We are to forgive always. However, reconciliation is not always the heart of Jesus in every situation.

For example, if abuse is taking place one needs to work through forgivness for their own hearts…not the abuser. Would Christ want you to reconcile with an abuser. Not necessarily.

Forgiveness does not always equal reconciliation. Repentance plays a huge part in any reconciliation.

Years ago I deeply wounded someone. I was fully convinced I had done the right thing but the problem was… I did it the wrong way. Thus the wounding.

Years later I found myself being on the other end of a wounding when Christ spoke gently to me as I prayed in my closet, “Shelly, what was done to you-you also did to these.” He began to name people to my heart and I knew I had to make some phone calls immediately. So I did.

I made no excuses. I just asked for forgiveness.

Because I followed through with that one act, my relationship with one, in particular, is even stronger today. We are able to talk through anything that comes up and not get easily offended.

She had already forgiven me before the call but I never made the necessary steps to rebuild her trust. This is a necessary step for relationships to truly, and fully, reconcile.

You must talk things through, hear one another’s hearts, apologize and admit all wrongs without excuses, and stay connected as long as it takes for healing to occur.

Most people think it’s enough to forgive- but it isn’t. The real work is in a heart willing to work for reconciliation. Many people wound others and expect one to forgive and forget. Forgetting is not the requirement, and at times, we need to not forget at all or we would put ourselves unwisely in constant places of abuse, manipulation, an so on. We are to always guard our hearts.

So if we wound one heart, we can not expect them to forget as if nothing ever happened. They aren’t Jesus. They are human. They will always remember.

However, when you really do work through reconcilation with open hearts, and open dialogue, a beautiful thing really does happen. The pain is covered by love and you will rebuild trust.

Then your relationships will be, very often, restored.

Is there someone you have dismissed in your past that you deeply wounded? Did you make all kinds of excuses for it? Even spiritual ones?

If so…leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:24)