At the dawning of the 1st day of 2020, we release my brand new music single, Mr. Grief.

It has seemed that the Lord has still more to squeeze from a long and daunting season. It is no accident that as the 7 year long season of leaning into Christ, learning more about His heart, and recovering from many storms upon storms….Mr. Grief is birthed.

So much seems to pour from hard seasons. He must allow deep memories to linger so that they can continue to help other hearts in need.

I learned alot about grief over a traumatic season of loss. Even today, the repercussions stay near and one has to trust Christ daily for ongoing healing.

I never was well versed with PTSD nor did I believe it could become a close acquaintence. Yet, I’ve learned that depending on your heart needs and make-up trauma can occur from significant losses in one’s life. The enemy knows your “bent.”

I have also found that it can be years of struggle before a diagnosis is made thus, it can be very confusing and you do not quite understand why you are unable to get over something quickly like others or simply move on.

The enemy set the perfect storm for me and unfortunately he had full reign for a season. At first glance we often think something could be the Lord, yet 4-5 years in He spoke tenderly to my heart to please stop blaming Him for what the enemy stole. This was a game changer for me and our relationship together.

He has been so patient in my healing process but there was a moment where I had to realize sometimes you have to fight the enemy to take back what God had already called yours. In my knowledge of the sovereignty of God was a subtle twisting of error and lack of understand regarding His heart. There is no darkness in Him. It was not His will for my life and He made sure I had that finally settled.

So He began to show me how to fight. How to stand back up. I would have to get use to being someone very different. The trauma was helping bring me into who Christ always intended me to become.

Please know that just because you learn to fight doesnt mean the grief doesn’t visit again. I’ve learned to have great patience with hearts in grief. It can be a very long and unique process for every person. You will need help to sift through all the emotions of a grief cycle.

So another day came where the enemy launched another arrow and I had what we call a trigger that sent me into a 3 day mourning. I was angry that it still had a hold on me. I was hurt that God still allowed me to endure such pain. But eventually my anger was refocused on the enemy.

So I decided to write a letter to GRIEF and tell him how tired of him I was.

In that moment, this song was born.

May it say what you can’t seem to find the words to say out loud and may you know His tenderness is gently positioned towards your heart.

You can download the song on any music sites, Amazon Music, Listen on Spotify, and grab it on iTunes:)