There is still a depravity in my own soul. A wickedness unto the Lord. A place to which Christ puts His finger.

 

It is not “they” but “we” and it is not “You” but “me.”

 

At the highest point of His presence comes the moment likened to Isaiah…” I am a man of unclean lips.” (Isaiah 6:5)

 

An inner war of pride and worldly lusts to make ourselves prominent and seen. I find a hidden lie in “truth” where motives are not pure and I am often tempted to bring empty words to exalt myself… not Christ. Let it never be…

 

There is an incredible pull to speak when not spoken to and a fear of being left behind if I do not stay with the worlds ways and paths. Crucify this in me, Lord. Let me sit if you do not speak. Let me remain silent if your heart is not fully known in the moment. Let me pass on the platform should You give me nothing at all to say. Let me dismiss the meeting or go to prayer when Your message is unsure…help me die to expectation…am I willing?

 

There is a busyness that ensues apart from Christ that wears out the soul and feeds nothing to no one.

 

There is still, Lord, in me a legalistic mindset to which I do not defend ; yet, plead for you to crucify this thing in me woven from years of teaching that harms the body of Christ. In moments I still see it. It grieves me so….and you I surely know.

 

There’s the lack of humility to see one for who you have fought and my lack of submission to consider my sight is warped in its own view.

 

I see knowledge as good but, at times, in me it’s horrid as it trumps Your “witness” within me and morphs into law rather than freedom in Christ.  Yet, help me not sway too far to which I use grace to excuse my own sin. For this should not be so.

 

I find areas in my heart that are on the side of the enemy and I reckon with the guilt that I too may have chosen Barabbas over You…. after all….the multitude was considered right… It could just as easily be “me.” Do keep me close to your heart.

 

How quick I am, Lord, to think never could it be me… when me is glaring at me and all the while I’m wondering why delays and hazards come along.

 

For “When MY people”….”MY people!

Humble themselves, pray, and turn from their wicked ways… THEN…I will heal the land…”

 

“My People” is “ME.”

 

I see heartless shadows of religious pride and self righteousness masked by words that seemingly oppose the two, yet, I fall on my own sword seeing my own need. Take it from me…

 

Oh God, let me not be as the priests seen by Ezekiel bowed to the East for foreign gods while professing your Name and “worshiping you with my lips.” Rid me of all idolatry and spiritual adultery to which you call an abomination. For the heart is deceptively wicked….(Jeremiah 17:9) How quickly it leads me astray.

 

My greatest desire in this moment is that You would change me. That I would behold fully Your glory. Take the thoughts that are of the spirit of Saul and make them more like the spirit of Paul that men would be drawn to Your heart.

 

Replace angst with gentleness and compassion and give me the ability and willingness to wrestle with truth until Your Spirit brings revelation. Refrain my tongue from deceit that wounds the heart of man with words of bondage.

 

Keep me from knowing Your Word without knowing Your heart. Come heavy upon me at any whiff of pharisaical tendencies that murder Your body..

 

Open my eyes to the areas where I have washed my hands clean to find You still glare at the blood upon them.

 

Help me not defend myself when You roar at any sin in my life…. but may I hit quickly the floor prostrate in repentance… “O God, Let it Be!!!”

 

Give me courage to fight for the oppressed instead of remaining silent confusing evil with good. Help me judge righteously for the Justice to which is the foundation of Your throne. (Psalm 89:14)

 

Do not allow me to shrink back when Justice is at stake considering my own life more valuable than others. But rather, help me lay down my life as you did for the life and freedom offered others by Your blood sacrifice.

 

Make me like Esther, understanding my own weakness, yet realizing your power in weak vessels. Help me see good in the midst of bad. Help me see Your light in the midst of darkness. Let not the darkness or fear of it all overtake me.

 

Collide Your will with My desires that are not displayed in your likeness and swallow up all things old that You might be ever seen brightly in my own heart and deeds.

 

Help my wounds make me better, not bitter. Give me a heart like David who loved despite rejection and persecution. Give me the love for the lambs who are down that I may be as you leaving the 99 for the 1.

 

Allow me to be a Barnabas when others are in need not caring for my own heart and lack. Fill me, Yourself, with all I need that I do not project my own pain on others.

Let love reign supreme in my heart and life leaving a legacy that soothes weary souls, even in the midst of personal trials. Hide me in Yourself for my own tending and mending as I pour out what you pour in.

 

Above all, leave me not where I am, Lord, but do whatever it takes to conform me into Your image….

 

Wash me with Your Word…

Reveal the depths of Your heart…

Teach me what I have yet to learn…

Open up the “graves” in my life…

Help the dry bones live that make up my own frame…

And keep me from deceptions shadows…

 

This, Lord, is my honest request…