In His presence I am undone.

I see myself clearly.

The wavering of faith in times of hardship when I cling to promises by only a thread.

My humanness is so evident and I weep because I can’t change myself.

I plead tirelessly with the Holy Spirit to work in me deeply with His transforming ability knowing that without Him I can do nothing.

At times I catch a glimpse of a self righteousness that exalts itself in a way that lessens others and I see myself as guilty of idle talk and heart judgements rather than a never ending love that draws men to Christ.

A spirit of religion from past teachings quietly tries to sneak back into my heart until the grace of God pours a waterfall of power that silences that familiar spirit.

I struggle before Him to re-open my heart, if I’m just honest, to fully love others in a world where my past love has been betrayed, misunderstood,and used haphazardly.

Time and time again I plead with the Lord to pry open the chambers of my heart again as He sends me into new arenas with new hearts to start again.

The voices of the past bring tears to my eyes as I remember each before Christ.

I ask Him will the pain ever subside…

He doesn’t really answer like I’d like.

He shows me melodies that will rise from these ashes that will be sent to deep heart aches.

He whispers of those abandoned and how my own pain would pour intimately onto their heart wounds thru songs laced with an understanding I gained in my own wilderness.

I sit up into the wee hours of the morning allowing Him to show me elements of the crushing that will bring the oil.

I rise from my knees and He gently nods as He shoos me away to my assignments. He has a gentle look of “It’ll be ok” on His face and I can see His love for me.

I nervously grin as I hear the sweet teaching of my Father quietly whisper…

“Head up, shoulders back, remember who you are…”