As one presses through a valley season, God teaches much you did not know. You realize how the smallest of things can heal a heart and how simply love can mend…and then you see clearly the things you may have always thought true yet are not. The valley has caused me to see differently when it comes to loving others and loving well. It must be part of the “vineyards” God gives in the valley of Achor..(Hosea 2)
When I consider the widows, those in grief, or those trying to catch their breath from the wounds of man…I always had this seed of thought that “time heals all wounds..” Yet I want to share what the Lord has taught me and reminded me of to this very day…Time heals nothing….. Only God can heal..
It has made me so tenderly alert to check on those who are struggling week after week, month after month. I have learned that when in a desperate state of sorrow the enemy can destroy one’s mind. We lack much understanding about the fruit of the Spirit…longsuffering. Grief, mourning, or sorrow has no set time frame….it’s as individual as we are. It will depend on someone’s past pains and experiences, it will depend upon God’s ultimate plan being birthed through the valley, and it will depend way more than we think on the way we respond to those in a place of pain. You see…God uses people. He always has.
My husband and I have seen such sorrow lately all around us and have made a collective heart decision that simply put …WE GO. It is amazing how one’s presence helps a hurting heart. It’s beautiful how the words void of theological meaning such as “I am so sorry” are always enough. It’s amazing what a listening ear can lend to the broken. I have learned that pain of heart kept in the darkness of silence will rarely mend. The light that exposes it is what will begin the healing process. A mind or heart wounded will never be ok if all the pain is kept inside. Many times people just need to know they are loved, accepted, and cherished. I have failed at this so much in the past with busy schedules and reasons that seemed good…but honestly were never God’s way. Certainly it was never intended..I just lacked the understanding through the eyes of one grieving. Now when I apply the lesson to the scriptures I see exactly why God says such things as the following:
Galatians 6:1
Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.
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James 5:16
Therefore, confess your sins (faults, trespasses, offenses) one to another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.
The fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
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Matthew 5:23
Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering
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This also is a great blog post to know better how to minister to those grieving the loss of someone they love in a way where we are careful not to cause pain when we intend on easing pain.
Night after night we have discussed this deep concern for the Body of Christ. The seemingly misunderstanding about time, healing, and how we as lovers of Jesus play a critical part….for we are extended family in the body of Christ. It seems we study well at times what the Word says..yet we fail to implement it with people. But oh, when you are the target of Satan’s fury and you are brought to your knees….it will all change in your own heart. What he meant for evil, God will use for good. The fire will burn new eyes and a new heart…you will find yourself going from Glory to Glory. You begin to see much deeper into the deep grief of God’s own heart for the suffering of His people.
There are a few quick lessons God has shown us through the eyes of sorrow. I pray that our lessons will now strengthen the brethren and and as Nehemiah did as he was rebuilding the wall…. we “set watch” to protect our brothers and sisters from the one who seeks to destroy.
1. When one has suffered loss, been wounded, or is grieving always go to them. Don’t wait for them to come to you in need. Likely, they will not for fear of further hurt. They will even tell you not to come….yet it’s not what they mean in their hearts or even need. We have decided that if God allows us to see the need or know of the need..He means for us to respond to the need. This lines up with scripture well in the story of the Good Samaritan..especially if you look from the eyes of the man lying in the street watching others pass by.
2. Never choose silence when you know someone is in pain. Always risk the uncomfortable to love on them. This you will never regret. Even if it’s self inflicted pain or if you or I are the wounder…love covers a multitude of sin. It’s amazing how quick one can love again when authentic love is displayed. I was challenged to do this myself as God revealed to me past wounds where I was the wounder. Even years later it had not left God’s heart…I had to contact each one and with deep sorrow ask forgiveness for the pain I had caused even though I never meant to. It really didn’t matter what was intended..only that someone was wounded. As a lover of Christ and in obedience to His Word..I had an obligation and DESIRE to do whatever it took to right the wrong. I also needed restoration…for relationships are gifts from the Father and I was missing them too. It was amazing how quickly those relationships were not only mended but fully restored and reconciled.
3. If a wound and breech in relationship has occurred…God truly desires reconciliation. Know that I am not referring to situations of abuse of any kind. I also know reconciliation is a two way street and for reasons unknown may never occur. Yet when possible, and especially between Christ followers who honestly love one another but are struggling through a wound. It is His will for His people to be united in love. It is a beautiful testimony to His grace. He is a God of restoration. Choose the hard and long thing…talk through all aspects of the pain so Satan has no room to make a playground. Much of long term suffering and sorrow is simply because people do not want to talk it through. However, this is detrimental to healing and reconciliation will never happen… and truly Satan will whisper many many lies during blinding sorrow. If we do not use the opportunity to go dispel the lies..they will take root and halt any progress of restoration of relationships. We are called to love and protect our brothers and sisters from the enemy at all cost..
4. If one suffers loss we should never expect them to “get over it” or “shouldn’t they be over it by now.” I have heard this statement when someone loses a spouse and are still grieving after 1-2 years. First…grief is a LONG process…some longer than others. Christ calls us to patiently bear the burden with them as long as it takes. We should also continue lavishly loving them by checking on them, sending them love notes as reminders we are praying for them, and asking authentically how they are doing and if they need anything. Never assume they no longer need us. Many times we love well for a few months and then forget their circumstance hasn’t changed and yet we never check on them again. This must not be our aim in the body of Christ.
5. Love never fails friends. But love is never from a distance…it’s always up close and personal. Love is a risk much of the time. Love risks rejection but you keep trying, love is moved by compassion -as was Christ, love pursues, love looks upon the broken of heart..never avoids it. Love sits long until one is fully healed and gives of our lives and hearts. Remember, John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”
I pray so much to love well for the sake of Christ and His name. I so desire to be used as a healing balm for those in despair. We are given so many chances to show the love of Jesus..yet we let those chances pass us by. I am sure somewhat out of fear of some sort. However; we must push through that as we know fear is not of the Lord….there are many needing us to give them Jesus! Suffering and sorrow many times are open doors. You may think you can not fix things gone wrong but you might be surprised what God does with your faithful and loving attempts. Your eyes are those they need to look deep into through the tears and reflect the God of all creation who loves them so. Many need their hair stroked and their hand held, a mere shoulder to cry on….everyone needs friends and a safe place. Will you be “all that” for someone?
Time
I’m not sure about time Lord
Whether it heals a heart.
Maybe it simply dulls that which was wrought.
For days may be sunny
But clouds can return
Even after commitment to move on is sung.
A glance out the window
A gaze longs for past.
Remembering that which was
Wishing still it had last.
Yes there’s some healing
But stings still thy wound
Tell me does it ever get buried in thy tomb?
Keep thy mind focused
Away from those panes
Where windows are rear view
And in some old lanes.
Drive thine heart with passion
To heal those in need
And squeeze love for others
From the wound that still stings.
—Shelly Wilson
