This Jesus of mine, well, we’ve been through a lot. Here are some things He has walked me through. Some things are from my early days, while others are later in my journey. Maybe some of my journeys will encourage you in yours.

 

There was a time when it took all the strength I had to simply walk into a room, and when I did I tried to be as small as I could be to go unnoticed.

 

If I were asked to read or speak in front of people, I would almost have a full-on panic attack. When I went to church, I wouldn’t take my Bible, so I could politely decline anyone who might ask me to read without causing suspicion.

It seemed embarrassing to turn to the Table of Contents. Everyone seemed to already know everything.

 

Praying out loud was an “absolutely not” for me. I would immediately turn bright red anytime I was asked, so there was no “don’t let em’ see ya sweat” for this girl.

 

All of these things were chains, mostly rooted in fear. Fear of being made fun of. Fear of getting it “wrong.” Fear of looking stupid. Fear of mispronouncing words. Fear of wrong answers. Fear of being rejected.

 

Fear has a hellish root.

 

Somewhere along the way, I was trained to be this way by the experiences I had in my life and the devil knew full well how to take my voice, so he did again and again.

 

This followed me well into my ministry days, when I guarded myself from looking like a failure. I leaned towards perfectionism to try to control everything and keep myself safe.

 

Then a valley season of the epic sort brought me to nothing. Everything spun out of control.

 

I didn’t know how much in me needed to still change. This is when slowly Christ began to reteach me about who He was and who I was to become.

 

This required a retraining on my identity in Christ, my authority as a believer, and lessons on trust.

 

This also required a stripping of all that was false. False theologies, false expectations, and false identities. Some of which I took on myself, and some that others seemed to expect of me.

 

It had to be me and Jesus, alone, for this kind of heavy lifting.

 

I would pray daily, “Just raise me up new” although I didn’t know what I meant exactly when I prayed that prayer. But He sure did.

 

He grew me to keep trusting when all seemed lost. He grew me to be secure in who I was and what He was calling me to do. He taught me the beauty of a worn-out Bible and the wisdom of a table of contents.

 

Even today, I might make whole classes turn to a Table of Contents to ensure some sweet soul just like me can feel at home and at peace while pursuing Jesus.

 

Moses had a problem speaking, but that was nothing for God. He knew exactly

what Moses was born to do. Moses just didn’t know for a while. He was in process. I fell in love with this about Moses.

 

We all have a process to go through on our journey. All of your life experiences were figured into the equation by God. Foreseen by an all-knowing God who made provision for it all before you were even one day old.

 

Before the pain God had a plan.

Before the losses God had a plan.

Before your lousy choices He made a few reroutes to get you back on plan.

 

He was always working ahead of you.

 

Instead of tossing the trials, the sorrows, and the injustices as a “never to be used wasteland,” He decided to use it for your good and those you would one day serve.

 

In short, here are a few quick tips from me to you:

 

1. Walk into that room and know full well WHO you carry. Shrink for no one but Jesus.
2. Chin up, shoulders back.
3. The fear that controls you owns you. There is a spirit behind fear. Rebuke it. Then go where you can heal fully.
4. You are a co-heir with Christ, made in His very image. Stop dumbing down who He has created you to be.
5. If you’re a woman-this one is for you: Ignore all the chatter. Go preach the gospel to anyone who will listen. End of story.
6. I learned being perfect actually didn’t draw anyone to Jesus. It has been when I’ve been flaw-filled and imperfect that His divine glory was revealed to other hearts wondering if He would ever consider using them.
7. There’s no room for pride in the Kingdom, use that Table of Contents, and don’t you dare be ashamed about it.
8. Pray…out…loud and watch Hell scatter.

 

Jesus is in the business of transforming lives. I know this, personally, because He continues to transform mine.

 

I promise that you can also trust Him to transform yours.

 

Nothing is impossible for Him.